It’s certainly true that hobbies, abilities, skills or achievements- these things don’t define us or make us inherently good or bad.
You need to consider a few things when asking “if I’m so great why doesn’t anyone want me..?”
So it is possible we aren’t as great as we think- but let’s ignore that because there isn’t any one type of person all people like and it’s hard to be such a monster as to be unworthy of love.
So what then? Well- first let’s understand something that can be hard for many people to picture. Many people are not focused on having a partner. They wake up and play a game or go job or whatever because they want to. They skip meals when they aren’t hungry and eat what they feel like when they feel like if they are. They go to bed when they like and sleep as long as they like more or less. They have their own space and they can do what they want with it. They have friends and family and work and hobbies or interests and probably not enough time for all of it.
They may have routines they stick to. They can get love and physical contact and support and have experiences and make memories and laugh and cry with friends and family. What do they need a partner for…?
Sex? Welcome to the future. You can find images of any type that strike your fancy- even things that realistically can’t exist or happen. You can change what you see any time that suits your mood. There are all manner of devices and such that do things no human being can and you even without devices it is unlikely that any person can ever or will ever respond instantly and specifically to the exact type of contact and speed and such that you want most every second- one who is good at self pleasure will be able to do the job better than anyone else ever will and without shame or judgment or reservation or pressure or need to worry about another’s feelings or enjoyment.
Much less cleanup, almost none of the risks, on demand. There are aspects like unpredictability with a partner that can be enjoyable (though those often fade over long relationships as people get to know each other) but largely sexual response is conditioned. We prefer what we are familiar with. So we can get support and sexual fulfillment and romance and companionship without a partner. We can be financially comfortable and we can travel and do all the same things. You can even have children and raise children without a partner and you can coparent with someone you’ve never slept with or been romantic with. At the end of the day people can live rich and full lives without partners and often do. I personally believe a good partner enhances life- like a dish can be great alone but adding a sauce or seasoning can enhance what is already good. That said- a bad partner is generally worse than no partner. A bad partner can take the joy out of things or make things harder.
Even with a good partner you still will likely fight, likely face challenges. You have to accommodate another person. You have to think of their wants and needs and compromise and deal with the social dynamics of your relationship. Even “open” relationships or “casual” relationships etc. generally come with certain risks and concerns and obligations and such. There aren’t really any relationships that require absolutely no upkeep, no thought or consideration. Even most call girls or escorts and such have some type of relationship with their client and you can’t simply assume that you can have what you want whenever you want and that will always be the way of it even if you’re paying for sex or romance or companionship as a service. It doesn’t work that way.
When we bring other people into our lives they come with everything other people entail. Some are easier to fit in and require less effort but you are two separate people.
So what happens there is that many people like their lives the way they are or are comfortable and aren’t looking for change or even don’t want it. It isn’t so much about you as them, they look at their lives and what bringing another person in means and there needs to be space or a reason for them to make space. Where it can be about us isn’t that you aren’t a good person or aren’t good enough but that maybe you just aren’t the right person for that person. We might be looking in the wrong places or chasing after types of people who aren’t a good fit for us perhaps- but often people aren’t actively seeking to change up those things they enjoy about owning their lives and their own time alone.
Now, you may say: “but I’m not super picky or anything and it’s not a short term thing- this has been my whole life or years and it is everyone. Even dating sites I have no luck…” well- it may not be entirely or at all just that all those people aren’t looking or aren’t seeing you as fitting into their life- maybe there are some things you can do. But what?
Well- for one thing we can focus on our lives, on finding ways to enjoy our own company and our own space. It can serve as a distraction a bit, make us feel productive since there isn’t a lot we can do to control others feelings, and we may find in the process we don’t feel such a strong pull to need a partner, or we might even find a partner along the way or through experience and such find ourselves in a position to be more successful in your endeavors to find a partner.
The thing about it is that there is more than one outlook. I’m not going to tell people what they should seek in a partner and I can’t tell you what every person in earth finds important- but I can say that some things generally don’t hurt our odds. So of course each of us is a special and has value but…. Imagine you are traveling and there is all this amazing food. You only have so much time and money and space and appetite to try things. So- it’s all special and valuable but what do you pick if you can’t have it all? What do you pick out of a bunch of special and awesome choices if you can only have one? Mood, preference, all sorts of things dictate that right? Some people will pick the food that offers the best quantity while others will pick what they think is more quality but less quantity. Some will want sweet and others spicy, and depending on the age or even day they pick they may surprise us with their choices.
So having good hygiene, making an effort in one’s appearance, being financially able to support yourself and a life and perhaps others and do the things you want- all these things can be important in a relationship right? Lots of people are good people. Lots of people have talents or are kind etc. some of the above things can help us stand out as good potential partners, but it isn’t all about looks and money. Some people like a partner who is funny all the time and always keeps the mood light but others find that unattractive and like serious partners. So sometimes it is just a matter of taste.
You need to consider a few things when asking “if I’m so great why doesn’t anyone want me..?”
So it is possible we aren’t as great as we think- but let’s ignore that because there isn’t any one type of person all people like and it’s hard to be such a monster as to be unworthy of love.
So what then? Well- first let’s understand something that can be hard for many people to picture. Many people are not focused on having a partner. They wake up and play a game or go job or whatever because they want to. They skip meals when they aren’t hungry and eat what they feel like when they feel like if they are. They go to bed when they like and sleep as long as they like more or less. They have their own space and they can do what they want with it. They have friends and family and work and hobbies or interests and probably not enough time for all of it.
Sex? Welcome to the future. You can find images of any type that strike your fancy- even things that realistically can’t exist or happen. You can change what you see any time that suits your mood. There are all manner of devices and such that do things no human being can and you even without devices it is unlikely that any person can ever or will ever respond instantly and specifically to the exact type of contact and speed and such that you want most every second- one who is good at self pleasure will be able to do the job better than anyone else ever will and without shame or judgment or reservation or pressure or need to worry about another’s feelings or enjoyment.
So what happens there is that many people like their lives the way they are or are comfortable and aren’t looking for change or even don’t want it. It isn’t so much about you as them, they look at their lives and what bringing another person in means and there needs to be space or a reason for them to make space. Where it can be about us isn’t that you aren’t a good person or aren’t good enough but that maybe you just aren’t the right person for that person. We might be looking in the wrong places or chasing after types of people who aren’t a good fit for us perhaps- but often people aren’t actively seeking to change up those things they enjoy about owning their lives and their own time alone.