I'm stealing this for Funsubs

I'm planning on writing up a statement similar to this one and putting it in my nightstand or dresser drawer, saying that if I were to go missing or die under mysterious circumstances, I 100% did not commit suicide no matter how depressed I am or was, and that my disappearance or death should be investigated without hesitation. I'll hand write it (I have very distinctive handwriting) and I will sign it with my full name and signature. I watch enough crime shows to know that this can be extremely helpful!

Where the fuck do you people live with women disappearing so often?!