There there, Swanson's here

"If you touch me again I´ll kill you..."

Just in time for the family gathering season!

Scarily accurate

I've experienced this many times. But recently I've felt this over the freaking phone. A man called and without even introducing himself asked my name, I (lacking self-preservation skills of any kind) told him and he IMMEDIATELY TOLD ME THAT HE LOVED ME VERY MUCH!!! It took nearly two full minutes for me to recover enough to interrupt his very one sided conversation with me to ask who he was.